Judee's Blog Page

The Sidecar is Finally Here!

2009-01-18T18:03:00.000-08:00

That's a picture of me in our new sidecar!! We don't have it yet; we took pictures of it in the shop where it's being "installed" on the Royal Infield motorcycle. It's almost done though and we should be picking it up on Tuesday.

Doesn't it look like fun?! We have really been looking forward to trying this out for quite a while. We ordered it BEFORE I had my knee surgery in August, expecting it to be in while I was recovering from my surgery while I would be unable to ride on the Gold Wing. Well, obviously, it didn't come in during that time because it's been FIVE MONTHS since we ordered it! We could have cancelled the order, and we almost did, but we decided to wait because the sidecar just seems like it would be fun no matter when it came in. As it turns out, I'm still having some trouble getting on the Gold Wing because my knee still doesn't want to do the things I want it to yet, so I think the sidecar is going to be just the ride for me.

I think the next thing I need is some goggles and a scarf and I'll be ready!

Job Hunting

2009-01-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

Job hunting has to be the hardest "job" ever!

I've been looking ever since my surgeon released me to go back to work duties which was two months ago now. Truthfully, I check the ads in the Athens, Decatur and Huntsville papers every day, plus I check the Alabama Joblink website and any other leads I find. Every week I also check the local hospital websites, too, just in case there is something on their websites.

Probably part of the problem is that jobs are just hard to come by right now. I know a lot of places have scaled back their workforce. Plus, my specialty of medical billing and coding is maybe not as huge a field as it's supposed to be. And there probably isn't a lot of hiring going on during the holiday season, so I'm hoping things will get better in this new year!

The last couple of weeks there have only been four or five ads in the papers that have been any where near my job description so I applied for all of them but I haven't heard from any of them yet. It's so frustrating because I really would love to go back to work!

Best Dream EVER!

2009-01-05T06:35:00.000-08:00

I had the most wonderful dream last night! For the first time since her death, I had a dream about Dawne. I really hated to wake up and when I did wake up, I was so worried that I would forget the dream. Sometimes dreams just seem to fade and seem so surreal but this one just was so real to me.

In my dream, Dawne just was so beautiful and so happy. For some reason, I knew she was in Heaven, but she didn't know it. But she had come back and was talking to me. I told her that I loved her and she said, "I love you, Mom!" We just kept telling each other over and over. Then she left again but came back and said again, "I love you, Mom!" It just seemed so real to me.

Like I said, this is the first time I've actually dreamed of Dawne, although I've wanted to. I've asked God to just let me see her one more time, even in my dreams, just to know that she's all right. Well, maybe this is my answer. She was just so happy and seemed so at peace and contented. As a parent, what more can I ask for than that she be where she is happy? I know she wasn't happy before she died; she really was in a bad place. As much as I miss her, as much as I love her, how could I ever want her back from the place she is now? I know I'll see her again someday and when I do, I just want to tell her again how much I love her.

I hope my dream never, ever fades from my memory!

Goodbye 2008

2009-01-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

Dear 2008,

I can't say that I'm sorry to see you go because, personally, I think you were without a doubt the worst year of my life.

The year started out with arthroscopy on my right knee, which really was much harder than I expected, and even harder to heal from. To make matters worse, the diagnosis was not good -- my knee was shot and the arthroscopy probably would not help and I would need a total knee replacement in the near future.

While I was healing from the arthroscopy, I was also healing from a bad round of kidney stones and UTIs so that wasn't much fun.

Then the worst blow you dealt me all year -- the sudden death of my beautiful and wonderful oldest child, Dawne. This has been so hard on me, my family, and everyone who loved her and misses her still. My grief has affected every part of my life and I still cannot believe that she is gone forever. I'm not the same person and know that I will never be the person I was. I miss her so much all the time. Even if the pain will get less in time, like everyone tells me, it will never go away.

While I was still reeling from the blow of the loss of Dawne, another loss, this time my job. I had to have the knee replacement because it was getting harder and harder to walk, so my boss tells me that if I have the surgery, I have to find another job. In this economy, it's not that easy to find another job, let alone a job that I truly loved as much as I loved this job. I loved my co-workers (for the most part!) so losing my job has been like losing part of my family to me. I miss going to work and interacting with everyone. I wonder sometimes if they miss me as well.

And then my knee surgery! I knew it was going to be painful and I knew the recovery process would be long -- I was right about that part! When I first started out in physical therapy, I was told that for the first three months I would wonder why I had it done and after three months I would wonder why I didn't have it done sooner. Well, so far it hasn't been that way for me. I still have a lot of pain and my knee is still not responding like I think it should. The biggest problem has been the flexion and extension is not what it should be and should have been better by now. Part of that is because I waited probably too long before I had the surgery but I waited because I knew I was going to lose my job. Talk about a Catch 22! I hope my knee gets better but I'm not encouraged because it's been over four months already.

There have been a couple of good things that have happened this year, thank goodness. The main one is the birth of my grandson, Onslo, who is just the sweetest little guy. The other good thing that happened is that I finally graduated from college with my B.S. this summer, right before my knee surgery, and I was able to walk across the stage for my diploma.

Otherwise, 2008, you really have been a crappy year and I'm glad you're finally gone. I certainly hope your successor, 2009, is a much better and happier year than you have been.

A disgruntled patron,

Judee

Cats and Toys

2009-01-01T12:13:00.001-08:00

I feel sorry for folks who don't have cats because cats have very unique personalities that they only seem to show to their owners. Believe me, if you go to a home where there are cats, you will rarely see a cat because cats will hide from strangers. It's just a cat thing, I guess. Now if you go to a home where there are dogs, the opposite will happen -- you will be greeted by barking and possibly even some "kissing," doggy-style!

I am the proud parent of three cats. (I would never say "owner" because you never own a cat, they own you!) Shelby, my big, black, long-haired cat I've had since she was about 7 weeks old is 3 years old; Olivia, our little tiny tabby came from the pound and is right around 2 years old; and then there's our sweet Frankie whom I rescued from outside last year and is such a lovable lap cat. All three of them have distinct personalities and there is definitely a "pecking order" among them. Strangely enough, Olivia, who, although she is full grown, weighs maybe 6 pounds and is a third the size of the other two, runs the show and makes sure the other two know it! Shelby is the prima dona of the group and acts like it! Frankie is the clown of the group and loves to play with toys of any sort.

They are not short on toys by any means but the favorite toy right now is a paper shopping bag I brought home from Cracker Barrel! Yes, just a common old paper bag. When I brought it home and emptied it, I made the mistake of placing it on the floor. Almost immediately, I had a bag full of cat! To make sure no one got stuck with the bag attached, I removed the handles on the top and it has been the big hit of the season around here! It's already had to be taped back together a couple of times! As you can see from the photo I've attached, Shelby seems to like it most for naps, even though there have been a couple of scuffles to see who gets to nap in it when!

Cats are so much fun!!

A Pair of Shoes...

2008-12-28T07:49:00.000-08:00

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

~~ Author Unknown

I found this poem on the internet a while back and it has meant a lot to me. Mainly, it helps me describe the kind of pain that goes on after losing a child. It really is like wearing a pair of shoes that don't fit, hurt and are hard to walk in.

That's the way I've felt the last couple of weeks with the holidays here. The pain has been so hard that there have been days in which I literally haven't gotten out of bed. I'm not sure if it's just the holidays making my grief so much worse right now or what. I did go talk to my doctor and he upped one of my scripts hoping to help me get through this time. So far I don't notice much but I'm hopeful.

All I ask is that if anyone is actually reading my blog, please pray for me right now. I know I'm not alone, that others walk in the same shoes as I do, but right now I'm having so much trouble getting used to these damn shoes.

Onslo Robert Parsons

2008-12-11T21:10:00.001-08:00

One thing I've neglected to mention here lately is my newest grandchild, my 7th, who was born on June 27th this year. I got to see him when he was about a week old over the 4th of July holiday but this past week was the first I've seen him since then. Needless to say, he is a keeper!! What a sweet little guy he is, as you can see, and just adorable. His older brother, Oscar, loves him and is a great big brother to Onslo as well. Onslo looks a lot like Oscar did as a baby except that he has dark eyes and hair, where Oscar is blond with blue eyes. It was great to seen him, as well as all the other grandkids, but it was really special since this is only the 2nd time I've gotten to spend any time with Onslo. Don't you agree that he's a gorgeous little man?!

It was great to see everyone in Ohio for Thanksgiving. It was hard to spend the first holiday without Dawne and yet it felt like she was there with all of us in spirit. There were 30 of us all together and it was an incredibly special time. I'm already looking forward to next year!

7 on Sunday

2008-11-16T17:39:00.000-08:00

Well, I finally have a job!! I'll be working for a urologist right here in Athens, doing insurance and some front office work. It's a 30-hour week, which is great, and it's only about 5 minutes from the house, which is even greater. The doctor seems very nice and his wife, who is the office manager, was nice as well. I won't start work until after I come back from Thanksgiving weekend in Ohio, so this gives me time to get my ducks in a row around here!
Speaking of Thanksgiving weekend in Ohio, I can't wait to see my kids and grandkids!! We are having Thanksgiving dinner with my entire family on the Saturday after Thanksgiving at a restaurant in my old hometown in Ohio. Then we are planning a mini-Christmas with the kids and grandkids at Rob's on Sunday morning. My granddaughters are going to be spending the night on Saturday with us, and hopefully Heather & the boys, so it will be a perfect time to do Christmas. We aren't really planning to go up for Christmas because the weather is so unpredictable in December in Ohio. Ohio does have four seasons but they are Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Road Construction!
I'm finished with Physical Therapy and I was right to be worried about finishing up because I'm having trouble motivating myself to keep up with my exercises, etc. that I need to be doing. I have to figure out a way to force myself to work on my knee because it still isn't where it should be. I think I'm just tired and worn out, but that's no excuse.
We still haven't gotten our sidecar that we ordered when we got our Royal Enfield motorcycle right before my surgery in August! It is supposed to be here soon, and I sure hope so. I still have trouble getting on the Gold Wing (because of my knee not bending like it should!) and it would be nice to ride in the sidecar and still be able to ride again. Hopefully it will be in before Christmas so that we can do our Christmas picture in it! Dave has a Santa hat that says "Bah Humbug!" across it!
I need to get my Christmas shopping done since we're having it at Thanksgiving weekend and I haven't even started yet. Auuughhh!!!!
My sister-in-law is having Thanksgiving at her house, bless her heart. I told her I'd bring some stuff plus come early in the day to help her get stuff ready. We aren't leaving for Ohio until Friday morning so that we can have Thanksgiving with Dave's family first. His mother is 87 years old and I figure she doesn't have that many Thanksgivings left, unfortunately.
We went to Bessemer on Friday to take my mother-in-law to the beauty parlor and get her groceries. She has a lot of trouble getting around but, other than that, seems to be doing pretty well. I enjoy talking to her and visiting with her. She appreciates everything we do and I certainly love doing things for her. I'm blessed with a wonderful mother-in-law!

Pictures from New Orleans...

2008-11-08T12:19:00.000-08:00

I have been promising to put up pictures from our trip to New Orleans, so here they are!!

The Insectarium was great for me, who loves macro photos!

A beautiful lighthouse on Lake Pontchartrain:

Lake Pontchartrain from the bridge:

We were amazed at the damage still everywhere from Katrina:

We stayed in the French Quarter while we were in NO and pretty much walked everywhere:

The cable car of New Orleans:

Much-Needed Update...

2008-11-08T07:25:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a while since I updated my blog, so I guess it's time to update everyone on what's been going on these last few months.

The biggest news for me is that on August 23rd I became, at long last, a college graduate! That's right, it only took me 41 years after graduating high school to FINALLY walk across the stage and get my B.S. diploma from Athens State University. Granted, it's been a long and winding road to this diploma but I have met a goal that I've had for many years. My degree is Public Safety and Health Administration. Unfortunately my family was not able to come from Ohio and Indiana to attend but my husband's wonderful niece, Ronee, and her husband came up from Birmingham and surprised me by attending! And my former office-mate, Tambi, and her family came for graduation as well, so I was really excited to see some faces that I knew. It really meant a lot to me! Of course, my husband was there but he had to be with the faculty group. Ronee brought her camera, so now I have pictures of the grand event as well, thanks to her!

The other big news, of course, is my knee surgery, which I had done right after graduation, on August 25th. I'm almost 11 weeks out now. When I first had the surgery done, I was told that for the first 3 months I'd wonder why I had it done and then after that, I'd wonder why I didn't have it done sooner. I think I'm almost to that point, but not yet! It's been quite a journey! I'm encouraged when I look how far I've come in these last few weeks, but I'm still not where I want to be and that's frustrating. Of course, my knee was in bad shape before surgery so I can't expect it to be perfect overnight, or even after a few weeks, but I wish it could be that way! One thing I would tell anyone thinking about total knee replacement is to not wait too long. I know that you can't wait too long for the surgery itself, but when it comes to the muscles and ligaments in your knee and leg, you CAN wait too long. I did. My knee did not straighten completely or bend completely before surgery and because of that, I'm having trouble getting my knee to where it should be now. Insurance did approve some more physical therapy for me after my initial therapy but it ends tomorrow with my last visit and I'm not sure what I'll do after that. I have to keep working at it, I know, and I'm hoping I can stay vigilant on my own with my exercises. I'm so worried that I won't, mainly because it hurts!! (I know -- what a baby I can be!!) It's been quite a trip. On the good side of it, though, I have lost 40 lbs. during this journey!

New Orleans

2008-08-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

My hubby and I just had to get away for a few days, so last week we made a quick trip to one of the places I've always wanted to visit, New Orleans.

We stayed in the French Quarter at a hotel called the Bienville House, which was really lovely. The place had that New Orleans feel that I always imagined, with little balconies off the street and in the courtyard, flowers and plants hanging down from them. Very romantic indeed!

Loved the French Quarter and the French Market, especially the Cafe` Dumont, but did not even remotely like the humidity!

Probably the thing that was most amazing to me was the fact that so much of the city is still not recovered from Hurricane Katrina. In the hospital district, one of the largest hospitals, Charity, is still not rebuilt or even the beginnings of repair. Many homes and even churches are still boarded up and un-repaired.

With all the beauty of New Orleans, the devistation left after almost 3 years is heart-wrenching.

Waiting for Surgery...

2008-08-10T09:05:00.000-07:00

I am currently jobless.

This is not the way I planned it. I had everything neatly arranged. My boss said that if I needed a knee replacement (my orthopedic surgeon AND my knee said that I do!) then I would have to find me another job. Nice kick in the pants, but unfortunately for me, Alabama is a job-at-will state, so I can get let go for any reason at all, including needed a new knee.

So, I got out a calendar and figured out everything neatly. First, I really, really, really, REALLY want to walk across the stage at graduation to receive my diploma. That is, on my list, the number one priority. OK. Graduation is on August 23rd, so I figured if I had my surgery on July 14th, I would be properly healed to be able to walk by graduation. My last day of work was July 11th, the same day I found out that I had a urinary tract infection and the same day my surgeon put off my surgery until said UTI is completely cleared up!

Since my surgery had to be put off, I've decided to wait until graduation is over before having my knee done. Barely -- I graduate on Saturday morning and my surgery is now scheduled for Monday morning after! This is so frustrating but it's about the only option I have a this point. I miss working and I miss feeling useful, but the rest is probably doing me good. I'll just be glad to get the surgery over and have my brand new knee....

Grief...

2008-04-29T12:10:00.000-07:00

Grief is a new experience for me. Sure, I grieved when my father passed away, but he was very ill and in his death I saw healing for him. I've lost in-laws who were precious to me, but somehow you almost expect to lose parents.

I never expected to lose a child.

Parents lose children all the time, unfortunately, but I guess I never even imagined that I would be one of them. Things like that happen to other people, not me mentality, I guess. Added to that the fact that her death has been ruled a suicide has been even worse.

It's been 15 days now and I'm having some good days and some bad days. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason for the type of day I have but the bad days are getting better at least. Keeping busy seems to help. But my daughter is always on my mind from the time I wake up till the time I go to sleep. I guess I'll always wonder why and I'll never understand. I know I have to accept that and go on but it's so hard. How do I go on?

I guess I just go on and remember her the best I can.

Before and After

2008-04-19T20:22:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I saw a movie entitled "Before and After" on TV. It wasn't a new movie, probably about 10 years old or so, but it was told by a young girl about the events surrounding her older brother being accused of murdering his high school girlfriend. In the movie, the young sister says that sometimes there is an event in your life that comes when you least expect it and it affects your life so profoundly that from then on, your life is defined forever as "before" and then "after" that event.

I've found out that this is true. This past week has been the most horrible week of my life and nothing will never be the same again.

Last Sunday evening I received a call from my son saying that my daughter, my first born,

was gone. I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that my beautiful, talented, wonderful girl is gone forever from me and all who loved her. She left behind three gorgeous daughters of her own, whose own lives are forever changed as well.

To make matters worse for our family, her death has been ruled a suicide, which is just so hard to comprehend. She was so loved by everyone who met her and her funeral was a testament to the lives that she touched. The funeral home was completely packed during her visitation hours and during the funeral by people who have known and loved her all of her short 37 years of life. None of us can understand or know what lead to what happened and unfortunately the only one with the answers cannot explain in this lifetime.

I'm just trying to get through each day, putting one foot in front of the other. I worry about the effect on the rest of the family and how this will affect our relationships. How do we go on when our lives are changed forever? I just don't know. I only know that this hurts so incredibly bad that I can't even describe the pain. What kind of pain was my baby in to make her feel that this was the only cure for that pain?

I wish I had answers, but I only have questions.

Sometimes, Dreams Really Do Come True!!

2006-11-11T18:28:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I posted a blog. Sorry for that, if anyone is actually reading or checking on it! I think you'll understand when I explain what has been going on in my life the last few months.... and years, actually.

Let me go back first, to 1967. I had just graduated from high school in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, and my parents moved to Bessemer, Alabama, immediately after school was out. I was already set to start at Alabama College in Montevallo that fall, but the summer stretched out before me. And then I noticed that there was a young man who lived across the street from us! I would have given anything for him to ask me out that summer!

As it happened, that young man DID ask me out, and our first date was on July 12th of that year. It wasn't long before we were deeply in love. We became engaged in February of 1969 and planned to get married that December. In the meantime, my parents had moved back to Ohio and I went home the summer of 1969 to get a job and save some money for our wedding.

It might seem impossible now, but those were the days before computers and e-mail, before cell phones, before any kind of communication other than letters that took 3 days to arrive. It wasn't long before parental pressure and long-distance pressure did severe damage to our relationship. There are things we should have done back then, but we were young, immature and foolish. No sense in going back there now, but the damage was done and my heart was broken. I thought he had stopped loving me; he thought I had stopped loving him. Little did we know that we could never forget each other.

We went on with our lives, each of us marrying others over the years, but neither of us finding that happiness that had been so close at one time. I never forgot him; I never truly got over him and wondered what would have happened had we gotten married back in 1969.

Six years ago, we did communicate some, so I knew where he was living, and this May I decided to send him an e-mail to wish him a happy birthday. I agonized over it for several days and almost didn't send it. Why? I think I didn't want to bother him if he was happy in his life and didn't want him to think that I was a complete idiot that could never get over him! But he e-mailed me back, I e-mailed him again..... and within 8 days we both knew for sure that the old feelings were still there and still as strong as ever! In August, I quit my job, packed up my belongings and left Ohio for Alabama and the life I had always dreamed of with the one man I have loved for all these years!

On October 20th, we got married on the top deck of the Southern Belle Riverboat in Chattanooga. It may have taken 39 years and 3 months, but dreams really do come true!!

Memorial Day

2006-05-23T06:55:00.000-07:00

I get pretty emotional on Memorial Day.

It's probably because I was raised in an era where we were taught the Pledge of Allegiance and "The Star Spangled Banner" right from kindergarten. My parents instilled in me the value of this country and the respect for the men who fought for it.

Every Memorial Day, my father donned his uniform and proudly marched in a parade and then stood at attention for the ceremony at the graves of soldiers who lost their lives. He would have been so proud to have seen his own funeral with the regiment of veterans who stood at attention, fired a 21-gun salute and played taps.

There are two places I've been that have moved me beyond words. The first was the Vietnam Wall in Washington, D.C. The other was Ground Zero in New York City. Both move me not because of politics or religion, but because of the number of people who died in the name of Freedom.

I'm old enough that I still remember where I was and what I was doing when President Kennedy was shot. And now I, along with the rest of the nation, will always remember that Tuesday morning getting ready for work, hearing Katie Couric announce that a plane had hit the World Trade Center, and then the realization a few precious minutes later that it was not just a freak accident. The horror of watching everything unfold that day will haunt many of us. Hopefully we will never forget and always remember the brave firefighters who never hesitated going into those towers, knowing that there was a chance they might not come back out. I'm certainly not made of that kind of stuff but I admire and revere it.

I also will never forget the first Gulf War, when my only son was in the Navy. He was in training at the time but because it was top-secret he was never allowed to tell me where he was or what he was doing. I arrived at work bleary-eyed many times during that period of time from being up most of the night watching television reports on the war. Only recently has he given any indication of what he was doing and I wish I still didn't know to this day!

Yes, I'm pretty emotional this year about Memorial Day. Maybe it's because I never thought to thank my dad for the sacrifices he made in World War II or appreciate what saluting our flag means or appreciate how moving the words to "The Star Spangled Banner" are.

I think I'm going to travel to my dad's grave this weekend and have a little talk with him.

I'm Puttin' On My Dancin' Shoes!

2006-05-22T07:43:00.000-07:00

From early on in my first marriage, I was not allowed to listen to "sinful" music. Unfortunately, my ex-husband considered everything that was on the radio to be "sinful" so I pretty much missed out on everything from mid-70s through the 90s. It's still amazing to me that I ever paid any attention to the man, but that's another story!

Lately I have discovered all the music that I missed out on and what a treat it's been! Of course, being married to a former DJ from that era who has ALL the music doesn't hurt! I missed out on disco, I missed out on Kool and the Sunshine Gang, I missed out on Escape Club, I missed out on Abba, I missed out on Anita Baker..... But now I am discovering some awesome music! The more I hear, the more I want to hear.

What a shame that I've missed out on so much, including music, in the last few decades. But for now, I'm going to put on my dancin' shoes and turn up "Wild, Wild West" a few notches!

Shutter-buggy!

2006-05-21T16:38:00.000-07:00

I think I've become a full-fledged shutterbug. I'm not really sure, since I'm not sure what that all entails.

Does it mean that I carry my camera everywhere with me, even to work? Does it mean that I always have a tripod in the trunk of my car? Does it mean that I'm never in any photos, just the photo-taker?

I can answer yes to all the above questions, so I think I qualify!

Photography is definitely my favorite hobby, and has been for quite a few years. I must have inherited the love from my father, who always had a camera in his hand, no matter where we were or what we were doing. I'm convinced that he would have been enthralled with digital cameras and would have had several by now. I caught his bug and have always been the family photo-journalist. Right after digial cameras went on the market, I bought my first and have never returned to film.

My son has a website and has allowed me to post pictures there. Check them out at:
www.robparsonsproject.com/gallery

Recently I bought my first SLR camera. It's a Nikon D70s and I when I bought it, I also bought 2 lenses for it. What a differnce! There is no comparison between digital SLR and other digital cameras. I enjoy it so but there is definitely a learning curve. My favorite shooting is macro but I'm having trouble with getting the depth of field the way I want it. I will just keep experimenting until I get it right! This weekend I actually took my camera OFF of AUTOMATIC and changed some settings!!

I may not be a shutterbug yet but I think I'm on the right path.

What Is Your Favorite ...

2006-05-18T18:07:00.000-07:00

I got an interesting e-mail from my granddaughter recently. Evidently, in order to "get to know your friends," you are supposed to answer all these questions and then send them on to all your friends. I haven't quite figured out how that exactly works, since the only people who would get the answers would be the ones that you sent it on to, not the one that sent it to you, but I supposed teenagers don't think of that. Or maybe they don't care....

Anyhow, I think I'll answer the questions and see how I shape up!

What time is it? 9:11 pm
Name: Judee Lankenau
Name that appears on birth certificate: Judith Lee Light
Nicknames: Jude, Jules, Sweetie, Honey-pie.....(Not really, just wanted to make you puke!)
Number of candles on last birthday cake: Enough that the fire department was called out....!
Pets: Bonnie, Mia, Sophie & Shelby
Hair color: Who remembers?? Only my hairdresser REALLY knows!
What friend would have the most entertaining answers? Rob for sure.
Eye color: Absolutely brown
How much do you love school on a scale of 1 to 10? 12
Birthplace: Logan, Ohio
Current Residence: Columbus, Ohio
Favorite food: Anything Mexican
Been to Africa: Why?
Love some one so much made you cry? YES
Been in a car accident? Does running my dad's car into a ditch because I was watching a totally hot guy across the street count as an accident?
Crutons or Bacon Bits? Neither; one word - cholesterol!
Favorite day of the week? Any day not at work.
Fave word or pharse: KOOL BEANS!
Favorite restaurant: Chili Verde
Favorite flower? Yellow rose
Favorite sport: Is kissing a sport?
Fave drink? Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper
Favorite ice cream? Sugar-free chocolate
Fave fast food restaurant? Wendy's
What color is your bedroom carpet? The only carpet in my bedroom is a fine film of cat hair....
Besides this one, what was your last e-mail? A dear friend of mine I haven't seen for years.
Which store would you use all your money at? Half-Price Books or Microcenter
What do you do when you are bored? Write stupid blogs....
Bedtime? Depends on who is in the bed...
Who will respond to this e-mail quickest? No one!
Favorite tv show? House
Ford or chevy? Suzuki!
Favorite song? Abba's "One of Us"
Time you finshed this e-mail? 9:26 pm

Well, that wasn't as painful as I thought it would be! If I sent this back to my granddaughter, I might just get a call from my daughter, don't you think?!

Families Are Not Just About Blood Anymore...

2006-05-17T15:10:00.000-07:00

This photo is of my mother (on the right) and her twin brother. I know this because my mother told me, not because it was written anywhere on the back or front of the photo.

I think about this every time I go to Cracker Barrel and see all the old photos hanging on the walls there. Those photos are probably ones that have ended up on those walls because someone went through Grandma's attic and couldn't figure out who they were!

I love looking through old pictures of relatives and I have to admit that I have some pictures that there is not a clue as to who the people are. I know they must be relatives, otherwise they wouldn't be in my possession. Someone has passed these on to me.

Then there are the boxes of MY pictures. Sure, I know who these people are NOW, but will I in another 20 years? Will my grandchildren going through these photos someday have any clue? Do I put names and dates on my photos? Of course not!

The other problem I have is that the definition of family has changed so much in the last few decades. I have grandchildren who have had several sets of grandparents and step-grandparents already. There is a step-grandson who has been adopted by his step-father so even though he is a "blood" relative, he doesn't have the same last name. And what about his half-brother? Does that make him a grandchild or not? Of course it does! What child doesn't need another set of grandparents!

I have decided that I need to sit down and write down my entire family history, complete with photos, so that my children, grandchildren, and future generations will know their ancestry. If I don't write it down, it may be lost forever.

First I have to find the time, then I have to figure out how in the world I will ever adequately explain my Aunt Dee Dee....

Cat Hair -- Don't Leave Home Without It!

2006-05-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

I never fancied myself as a "cat" person. Ever. I always thought of cats as sneaky, conniving, evil, dirty creatures. Sort of lawyers in fur coats.

Of course, that was before I ever was introduced to cats.

Now, I am proudly owned by two cats! (You never own a cat, they own you!) One cat was from a rescue facility and she chose me; the other was adopted from a friend and was only seven weeks old at the time. They both have totally different personalities and are both totally loving and devoted creatures. There is nothing as soothing at night as a kitten by your head purring!

I had to take Sophie (the rescued cat) to the vet recently for her yearly check-up. While there, I told the vet that I was having a little problem with Sophie. It seems that Sophie doesn't want me to be late for work so if I'm not up precisely at 6 am, she proceeds to make sure I get up! She jumps on me and if that doesn't work, she opens the inside shutters. Then if that doesn't work, she starts knocking things off the dresser! Unfortunately she doesn't understand the concept of WEEKENDS! Plus, if I sleep on my side, Sophie will wake me up because she wants me on my back so that she can lie on my chest.

The vet just looked at me and said, "Sophie has you trained very well, doesn't she?"

Excuse me while I go cough up a hairball.....

D..I..V..O..R..C..E.....

2006-05-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

Divorce....It's not just a sad country song any longer.

I had hoped that my children would find the perfect spouses and live happily ever after. I even stayed in my own rotten marriage a lot longer than I wanted to, or even should have, because I wanted to set a good example for my children, that marriage was FOREVER.

As a mother, sometimes I feel like I corner the market on guilt. Did staying in a bad marriage make it harder for my children to find their own happiness? Did I think that being miserable made me a better parent? I guess I'll never know, and I guess I'll always wonder. Now I have two daughters -- one who is almost 36 and has been divorced twice, getting ready to marry for the 3rd time; and another daughter who is 32 and just now going through divorce #2.

Heather, the 32-year-old, is the one I worry most about right now. She has two beautiful boys, ages 7 and 6, who don't need this in their lives. Logan (7) is so sensitive and quiet and Austin (6) is autistic. This is going to be so hard on them. Even Heather doesn't want this. She was blind-sided by a husband who came home one night with tales of "We don't have the same core value systems any longer" and "I love you but not enough to stay married to you." Translation (thanks to a small town grapevine) is that he has a new girlfriend. So how does he go about the divorce but to totally trash Heather and file for custody of the boys. I'm sure he can't get it because Heather is an awesome mom, but it's still crushing to watch Heather go through this.

Wednesday is the custody hearing and I've been subpoenaed as a witness for her. It must scare me more than I realize because I keep having nightmares. Last night I dreamed I was on a cruise ship and the hearing was being held there! I was in my pajamas and it was 15 minutes before the hearing and I had forgotten. Heather came to me and asked me if I was still coming to be a witness so I hurried to my room but got lost! I kept looking and looking for my room because there was just a few minutes left...... and then I woke up!

I worry about failing my children again. I think this is more painful for me than for them in a lot of ways.

When Life Gives You Lemons....

2006-05-15T07:45:00.000-07:00

The older I get, the more reflective I get about life. Maybe that's true of a lot of people, but lately I have spent more time thinking about the "what ifs" than I probably should. The last ten years of my life have been pretty traumatic, so maybe that's part of it, but I am trying to see the positives that have come from all the things that have happened!

First of all, trying to deal with divorce after 31 years of marriage had a huge impact on my life. It probably was less traumatic than it could have been since the divorce was MY idea and my initiative. But even still, you lose that half of your family. My mother always told me that when you become divorced or widowed you lose your married friends. Once again, Mother was right. Within six months, I'm not married for the first time (in forever!), alone for the first time, new job, new boss, first time living in a city, no friends, family grown and gone... It's culture shock!

Once I dealt with all that, along come more "lemons."

In 1995, I tripped over a dog on my back porch, and somehow managed to fall into a brick ledge with my head! The effects from that one fall, one fraction of a second in my life, are still part of my life today. I had to have a laminectomy in 1996 because the fall caused my spinal canal to swell and there was no room left for my spinal cord. Then after I moved to the big city, I managed to rupture three discs in my neck that were bulging as a result of the fall. In 2001, I had to have those discs fused. I still have problems with my back because now I have a disc that protrudes from the spinal column and is pinching the nerves. Fortunately, there is another option than surgery, lumbar spinal injections. I had three injections last summer with fantastic results. This winter I underwent two more injections and still have the option of a third if I need it. So far, I haven't needed it! Right now I am pain-free and enjoying every second! As long as I can avoid surgery, I will continue with the injections. It is wonderful to once again enjoy walking and hiking -- and I will keep doing those as long as I can!

Along with all of this, I have also dealt with cataracts (How can I be THAT old?!) and an illness that will affect me for the rest of my life. But I am determined that this disease will not be the way I will be known; it will not rule me, I will overcome it and be that much better for it! I will live my life as an example to others who deal with this disease!

Life has given me lemons a few times, but just like the saying, I think I've managed to make some lemonade. It may have taken me a while to pull myself back up, but I am a stronger, healthier, more compassionate person than I was ten years ago.

Go ahead, life -- bring on some more lemons because I can handle them!!

Choo-Choo Ecstacy!

2006-05-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the Franklin Park Conservatory with son, daughter-in-law and grandson,Oscar. Every spring the Conservatory has an outdoor railroad display, with several model trains running throught the garden. It's all right but certainly not the first thing I gravitate toward at the Conservatory.

Not so with Oscar! He has not seen the train exhibit since last summer but has never forgotten it. Every time we went to the Conservatory, even last winter, the first thing he would shout as soon as we drove into the parking lot was, "Choo-choo!"

Yesterday we weren't even sure if the trains would be running, because of rain. I don't even want to think what would have happened in a case like that! But, thankfully, the trains were running, and Oscar was SO excited! He kept running from train to train, following trains, and at one point when there were two trains, one on each side of him, he didn't know what to do! I think the picture I've added says it all. There is nothing like a 2-year-old and his favorite thing in the world!

Sometimes I wish I could be that open and honest with others. Just run screaming and squealing when I'm having fun or enjoying something. Why do we have to be "adults" and not have the fun that kids have?!

Let's have a kid day for all of us adults!

Shingles..... AGAIN!

2006-05-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

I hate to admit this but I have had such a hard time figuring out how to do a post! Guess this really makes me a novice, right?! Hopefully I can remember how I got here...

Thing is, I have shingles again. I've had them so many times that I've lost count. This has got to be the 20th time and I'm SICK of getting shingles. According to MedicineNet.com:

Shingles is a skin rash caused by the same virus that causes chickenpox. The virus responsible for these conditions is called Varicella zoster. After an individual has chickenpox, this virus lives in the nerves and is never fully cleared from the body. Under certain circumstances, such as emotional stress, immune deficiency (from AIDS or chemotherapy) or with cancer, the virus re- activates causing shingles. In most cases, however, a cause for the reactivation of the virus is never found. The herpes virus that causes shingles and chicken pox is not the same as the herpes virus that causes genital herpes (which can be sexually transmitted) and herpes mouth sores. Shingles is medically termed Herpes zoster.

Okay, so I don't have AIDS or cancer.... Could it be STRESS???? Nah........!!! Thankfully I get them only on the right side of my head, along my hairline. Easily hidden by hair, and certainly not irritated by clothing, so it could be much worse. Still aggrevating!!

So, how does one get rid of stress? Currently I am working full time, taking classes part time, have 3 grown (??) children, 1 step-son, 2 step-step-daughters, 11 grandchildren, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a pile of laundry that never gets any smaller. I suppose I need to cut out some things of my life, but what? I guess I could forget the laundry but it would get expense buying new undies every week!

One of these days, I'll have to decide.....

First Blog!

2006-04-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

I've never blogged before ... this makes me a novice, right?! I've been reading blogs but have never participated. Since this is all new to me, I'm not even sure what to write yet! I guess I'll have to give it some thought.....