D..I..V..O..R..C..E.....

Divorce....It's not just a sad country song any longer.

I had hoped that my children would find the perfect spouses and live happily ever after. I even stayed in my own rotten marriage a lot longer than I wanted to, or even should have, because I wanted to set a good example for my children, that marriage was FOREVER.

As a mother, sometimes I feel like I corner the market on guilt. Did staying in a bad marriage make it harder for my children to find their own happiness? Did I think that being miserable made me a better parent? I guess I'll never know, and I guess I'll always wonder. Now I have two daughters -- one who is almost 36 and has been divorced twice, getting ready to marry for the 3rd time; and another daughter who is 32 and just now going through divorce #2.

Heather, the 32-year-old, is the one I worry most about right now. She has two beautiful boys, ages 7 and 6, who don't need this in their lives. Logan (7) is so sensitive and quiet and Austin (6) is autistic. This is going to be so hard on them. Even Heather doesn't want this. She was blind-sided by a husband who came home one night with tales of "We don't have the same core value systems any longer" and "I love you but not enough to stay married to you." Translation (thanks to a small town grapevine) is that he has a new girlfriend. So how does he go about the divorce but to totally trash Heather and file for custody of the boys. I'm sure he can't get it because Heather is an awesome mom, but it's still crushing to watch Heather go through this.

Wednesday is the custody hearing and I've been subpoenaed as a witness for her. It must scare me more than I realize because I keep having nightmares. Last night I dreamed I was on a cruise ship and the hearing was being held there! I was in my pajamas and it was 15 minutes before the hearing and I had forgotten. Heather came to me and asked me if I was still coming to be a witness so I hurried to my room but got lost! I kept looking and looking for my room because there was just a few minutes left...... and then I woke up!

I worry about failing my children again. I think this is more painful for me than for them in a lot of ways.