Grief...

Grief is a new experience for me. Sure, I grieved when my father passed away, but he was very ill and in his death I saw healing for him. I've lost in-laws who were precious to me, but somehow you almost expect to lose parents.

I never expected to lose a child.

Parents lose children all the time, unfortunately, but I guess I never even imagined that I would be one of them. Things like that happen to other people, not me mentality, I guess. Added to that the fact that her death has been ruled a suicide has been even worse.

It's been 15 days now and I'm having some good days and some bad days. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason for the type of day I have but the bad days are getting better at least. Keeping busy seems to help. But my daughter is always on my mind from the time I wake up till the time I go to sleep. I guess I'll always wonder why and I'll never understand. I know I have to accept that and go on but it's so hard. How do I go on?

I guess I just go on and remember her the best I can.