A Pair of Shoes...

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

~~ Author Unknown

I found this poem on the internet a while back and it has meant a lot to me. Mainly, it helps me describe the kind of pain that goes on after losing a child. It really is like wearing a pair of shoes that don't fit, hurt and are hard to walk in.

That's the way I've felt the last couple of weeks with the holidays here. The pain has been so hard that there have been days in which I literally haven't gotten out of bed. I'm not sure if it's just the holidays making my grief so much worse right now or what. I did go talk to my doctor and he upped one of my scripts hoping to help me get through this time. So far I don't notice much but I'm hopeful.

All I ask is that if anyone is actually reading my blog, please pray for me right now. I know I'm not alone, that others walk in the same shoes as I do, but right now I'm having so much trouble getting used to these damn shoes.

Onslo Robert Parsons

One thing I've neglected to mention here lately is my newest grandchild, my 7th, who was born on June 27th this year. I got to see him when he was about a week old over the 4th of July holiday but this past week was the first I've seen him since then. Needless to say, he is a keeper!! What a sweet little guy he is, as you can see, and just adorable. His older brother, Oscar, loves him and is a great big brother to Onslo as well. Onslo looks a lot like Oscar did as a baby except that he has dark eyes and hair, where Oscar is blond with blue eyes. It was great to seen him, as well as all the other grandkids, but it was really special since this is only the 2nd time I've gotten to spend any time with Onslo. Don't you agree that he's a gorgeous little man?!

It was great to see everyone in Ohio for Thanksgiving. It was hard to spend the first holiday without Dawne and yet it felt like she was there with all of us in spirit. There were 30 of us all together and it was an incredibly special time. I'm already looking forward to next year!