The Sidecar is Finally Here!

That's a picture of me in our new sidecar!! We don't have it yet; we took pictures of it in the shop where it's being "installed" on the Royal Infield motorcycle. It's almost done though and we should be picking it up on Tuesday.

Doesn't it look like fun?! We have really been looking forward to trying this out for quite a while. We ordered it BEFORE I had my knee surgery in August, expecting it to be in while I was recovering from my surgery while I would be unable to ride on the Gold Wing. Well, obviously, it didn't come in during that time because it's been FIVE MONTHS since we ordered it! We could have cancelled the order, and we almost did, but we decided to wait because the sidecar just seems like it would be fun no matter when it came in. As it turns out, I'm still having some trouble getting on the Gold Wing because my knee still doesn't want to do the things I want it to yet, so I think the sidecar is going to be just the ride for me.

I think the next thing I need is some goggles and a scarf and I'll be ready!

Job Hunting

Job hunting has to be the hardest "job" ever!

I've been looking ever since my surgeon released me to go back to work duties which was two months ago now. Truthfully, I check the ads in the Athens, Decatur and Huntsville papers every day, plus I check the Alabama Joblink website and any other leads I find. Every week I also check the local hospital websites, too, just in case there is something on their websites.

Probably part of the problem is that jobs are just hard to come by right now. I know a lot of places have scaled back their workforce. Plus, my specialty of medical billing and coding is maybe not as huge a field as it's supposed to be. And there probably isn't a lot of hiring going on during the holiday season, so I'm hoping things will get better in this new year!

The last couple of weeks there have only been four or five ads in the papers that have been any where near my job description so I applied for all of them but I haven't heard from any of them yet. It's so frustrating because I really would love to go back to work!

Best Dream EVER!

I had the most wonderful dream last night! For the first time since her death, I had a dream about Dawne. I really hated to wake up and when I did wake up, I was so worried that I would forget the dream. Sometimes dreams just seem to fade and seem so surreal but this one just was so real to me.

In my dream, Dawne just was so beautiful and so happy. For some reason, I knew she was in Heaven, but she didn't know it. But she had come back and was talking to me. I told her that I loved her and she said, "I love you, Mom!" We just kept telling each other over and over. Then she left again but came back and said again, "I love you, Mom!" It just seemed so real to me.


Like I said, this is the first time I've actually dreamed of Dawne, although I've wanted to. I've asked God to just let me see her one more time, even in my dreams, just to know that she's all right. Well, maybe this is my answer. She was just so happy and seemed so at peace and contented. As a parent, what more can I ask for than that she be where she is happy? I know she wasn't happy before she died; she really was in a bad place. As much as I miss her, as much as I love her, how could I ever want her back from the place she is now? I know I'll see her again someday and when I do, I just want to tell her again how much I love her.

I hope my dream never, ever fades from my memory!

Goodbye 2008

Dear 2008,

I can't say that I'm sorry to see you go because, personally, I think you were without a doubt the worst year of my life.

The year started out with arthroscopy on my right knee, which really was much harder than I expected, and even harder to heal from. To make matters worse, the diagnosis was not good -- my knee was shot and the arthroscopy probably would not help and I would need a total knee replacement in the near future.

While I was healing from the arthroscopy, I was also healing from a bad round of kidney stones and UTIs so that wasn't much fun.

Then the worst blow you dealt me all year -- the sudden death of my beautiful and wonderful oldest child, Dawne. This has been so hard on me, my family, and everyone who loved her and misses her still. My grief has affected every part of my life and I still cannot believe that she is gone forever. I'm not the same person and know that I will never be the person I was. I miss her so much all the time. Even if the pain will get less in time, like everyone tells me, it will never go away.

While I was still reeling from the blow of the loss of Dawne, another loss, this time my job. I had to have the knee replacement because it was getting harder and harder to walk, so my boss tells me that if I have the surgery, I have to find another job. In this economy, it's not that easy to find another job, let alone a job that I truly loved as much as I loved this job. I loved my co-workers (for the most part!) so losing my job has been like losing part of my family to me. I miss going to work and interacting with everyone. I wonder sometimes if they miss me as well. 

And then my knee surgery! I knew it was going to be painful and I knew the recovery process would be long -- I was right about that part! When I first started out in physical therapy, I was told that for the first three months I would wonder why I had it done and after three months I would wonder why I didn't have it done sooner. Well, so far it hasn't been that way for me. I still have a lot of pain and my knee is still not responding like I think it should. The biggest problem has been the flexion and extension is not what it should be and should have been better by now. Part of that is because I waited probably too long before I had the surgery but I waited because I knew I was going to lose my job. Talk about a Catch 22! I hope my knee gets better but I'm not encouraged because it's been over four months already.

There have been a couple of good things that have happened this year, thank goodness. The main one is the birth of my grandson, Onslo, who is just the sweetest little guy. The other good thing that happened is that I finally graduated from college with my B.S. this summer, right before my knee surgery, and I was able to walk across the stage for my diploma.

Otherwise, 2008, you really have been a crappy year and I'm glad you're finally gone. I certainly hope your successor, 2009, is a much better and happier year than you have been.

A disgruntled patron,

Judee

Cats and Toys

I feel sorry for folks who don't have cats because cats have very unique personalities that they only seem to show to their owners. Believe me, if you go to a home where there are cats, you will rarely see a cat because cats will hide from strangers. It's just a cat thing, I guess. Now if you go to a home where there are dogs, the opposite will happen -- you will be greeted by barking and possibly even some "kissing," doggy-style! 

I am the proud parent of three cats. (I would never say "owner" because you never own a cat, they own you!) Shelby, my big, black, long-haired cat I've had since she was about 7 weeks old is 3 years old; Olivia, our little tiny tabby came from the pound and is right around 2 years old; and then there's our sweet Frankie whom I rescued from outside last year and is such a lovable lap cat. All three of them have distinct personalities and there is definitely a "pecking order" among them. Strangely enough, Olivia, who, although she is full grown, weighs maybe 6 pounds and is a third the size of the other two, runs the show and makes sure the other two know it! Shelby is the prima dona of the group and acts like it! Frankie is the clown of the group and loves to play with toys of any sort.

They are not short on toys by any means but the favorite toy right now is a paper shopping bag I brought home from Cracker Barrel! Yes, just a common old paper bag. When I brought it home and emptied it, I made the mistake of placing it on the floor. Almost immediately, I had a bag full of cat! To make sure no one got stuck with the bag attached, I removed the handles on the top and it has been the big hit of the season around here! It's already had to be taped back together a couple of times! As you can see from the photo I've attached, Shelby seems to like it most for naps, even though there have been a couple of scuffles to see who gets to nap in it when!

Cats are so much fun!!

A Pair of Shoes...

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

~~ Author Unknown

I found this poem on the internet a while back and it has meant a lot to me. Mainly, it helps me describe the kind of pain that goes on after losing a child. It really is like wearing a pair of shoes that don't fit, hurt and are hard to walk in.

That's the way I've felt the last couple of weeks with the holidays here. The pain has been so hard that there have been days in which I literally haven't gotten out of bed. I'm not sure if it's just the holidays making my grief so much worse right now or what. I did go talk to my doctor and he upped one of my scripts hoping to help me get through this time. So far I don't notice much but I'm hopeful.

All I ask is that if anyone is actually reading my blog, please pray for me right now. I know I'm not alone, that others walk in the same shoes as I do, but right now I'm having so much trouble getting used to these damn shoes.

Onslo Robert Parsons

One thing I've neglected to mention here lately is my newest grandchild, my 7th, who was born on June 27th this year. I got to see him when he was about a week old over the 4th of July holiday but this past week was the first I've seen him since then. Needless to say, he is a keeper!! What a sweet little guy he is, as you can see, and just adorable. His older brother, Oscar, loves him and is a great big brother to Onslo as well. Onslo looks a lot like Oscar did as a baby except that he has dark eyes and hair, where Oscar is blond with blue eyes. It was great to seen him, as well as all the other grandkids, but it was really special since this is only the 2nd time I've gotten to spend any time with Onslo. Don't you agree that he's a gorgeous little man?!

It was great to see everyone in Ohio for Thanksgiving. It was hard to spend the first holiday without Dawne and yet it felt like she was there with all of us in spirit. There were 30 of us all together and it was an incredibly special time. I'm already looking forward to next year!